"Well, I hate to say it, but I learned from talking to a guy recently that your society is a lot more sue-happy than we ever were back here in the 1920s and 30s.  We sell stuff on this newfangled website that is doggone safe if it’s used for its intended purpose.  Hell, most of our things are safe even if you use them outside some of their intended purposes (you can store your pennies in one of our coffee mugs if you want to, very safely).

Sure, you can hang yourself with one of our T-shirts, but if you do, think twice before you let your family come after us for wrongful injury.  Use your common sense!

YOUR OLD PILOT

Just in case it requires mentioning:

Don’t try to use our T-shirts to hang yourself.

If you drop one of our commemorative boxes or tiles, move your foot out of the way.

Don’t wear our tote bags over your head while you’re walking, driving or, dare I say, flying.

Drink only legal beverages from our mugs and cups.  Remember, Prohibition is the law of the land.  And try to swallow in a reasonably coordinated manner so as not to choke. And try not to spill hot beverages in your lap.

Do not put battery acid, chaw spit, oil or paint in the same mug or cup that you drink your coffee out of.  This can lead to some drastic first sips (believe me, it’s happened).

Etc., etc.

If you do any of these things, or if you do any of a long list of other stupid things with our products, please don’t come running to us to bail you out, or ask some judge to give you money for your stupidity.  Take some responsibility!

Now, that said, we take full responsibility for manufacturing or shipping problems.  If something gets broken in the mail, a seam is crooked, a glaze is smudged, or a loop of something isn’t sewn right, we want to know about it. You’ll be promptly served up with a replacement or a refund. To do this, just contact the Customer Service Center via the email address on the packing slip or invoice that came with your order.  It’s as simple as that.  I sure wish we had email back in my day. I still have a set of long-johns that are too small, and it was just too much rigmarole to return them."

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OK, OK, our webmaster just came in and asked me to include the following on this page:

This website is owned and operated by Oldairfield, LLC with offices in Naples, FL.  It contains certain Designs and Information that are protected under United States and international trademark and copyright laws.  This website is for your use solely to purchase and enjoy products offered by Oldairfield, LLC and for no other purpose.  Without limitation, other than for brief passages used for reviews or advertising, you are not authorized to make the Designs or Information available on any web site (including links to, or information from, www.dmairfield.org) or otherwise reproduce, distribute, copy, store, use or sell the Designs or Information for commercial gain without the express written consent of Oldairfield, LLC.  This is a personal service, thus, your right to use the Designs or Information is non-assignable. Any access or use that is inconsistent with these terms is unauthorized and strictly prohibited.

This protection does not extend to any other websites linked to or through Oldairfield, LLC or www.oldairfield.com, namely the present fulfillment engine known as CafePress.com, which has its own limitations and requirements available for view through that website.